Turtle Bay declares marshall law

Sudanese tribal leader, Muwad Jalalabin, declared "If a UN force is sent here, I will call for jihad."

Secretary-General Kofi Annan continues to deny reports that he's "cowering in the loo."

When President George Bush was asked by reporters about America's willingness to defend the United Nations, President Bush quickly responded, "Coffee and his boys are all welcome to set up shop in Guantanamo."